For a long time, I've believed one basic rule about negotiating:
Don't be the first person to say the number.
If possible, let the other person tell you what they are expecting to pay. That gives you a foundation for the conversation. You learn where they are starting, what kind of budget they have, and whether the deal is even in the same universe as what you would consider reasonable.
But today, I learned something new.
I watched a video on Facebook from a guy named Nick Ayala, and he explained a negotiating concept that had honestly never occurred to me:
The one who explains the number is the one who is losing.
That idea absolutely blew my mind.
Don't Be the First Person to Say the Number
Let's say someone contacts you about a project and asks what it will cost.
Most of us feel pressured to immediately throw out a number. We don't like the silence, and we don't want to appear difficult, so we answer before we know what the potential customer is expecting.
But I've believed for years that it is usually better to get them to name the number first.
You might ask:
- "What kind of budget have you set aside for this?"
- "What were you expecting to invest?"
- "What number did you have in mind?"
Their answer gives you valuable information.
They might say a number higher than what you planned to charge. If you had spoken first, you would have left money on the table.
They might give you a reasonable number that makes the rest of the conversation easy.
Or they might give you a number so low that you immediately know there is a major gap between what they want and what you are willing to accept.
Either way, you now understand the foundation of the negotiation.
That part wasn't new to me.
What Nick Ayala taught me today was what to do next.
Don't Defend Your Number—Make Them Defend Theirs
Imagine you're talking to a potential customer about a project you believe is worth $10,000.
They look at you and say:
"I was thinking more like $5,000."
What do most people do?
They immediately start explaining why they need more.
- "Well, this project will take several weeks."
- "There's a lot more involved than you may realize."
- "I have more than 20 years of experience."
- "The price includes planning, design, revisions, testing, and support."
- "We do much better work than the cheaper companies."
Every one of those statements may be true.
But the moment you start rattling them off, you have accepted the responsibility of defending your value. The potential customer gave you a low number, and now you are scrambling to prove why you deserve more.
You're explaining.
They're listening.
And according to this concept I learned today, that means you're losing ground in the negotiation.
Repeat the Number and Stay Quiet
Instead of immediately defending your price, Nick suggested doing something incredibly simple.
Repeat their number back to them as a question.
"Five thousand?"
Then stop talking.
Don't explain why it's too low.
Don't become offended.
Don't start listing your credentials.
Don't immediately counter with a lower price than you originally intended to charge.
Just repeat the number and let the silence sit there.
That silence shifts the entire conversation.
Now the potential customer feels the need to explain.
- "Well, that's what we have in the budget."
- "We talked to another company that said they could do it for around that."
- "We didn't think the project would cost quite so much."
- "We thought it would be fairly simple."
Do you see what just happened?
You are no longer defending your number.
They are defending theirs.
Ask Them How They Got There
After they finish explaining, ask another calm, simple question:
"How did you come to that number?"
Then be quiet again.
This isn't rude or combative. You aren't insulting them or telling them their offer is ridiculous. You are simply asking them to explain the reasoning behind the number they presented.
Maybe they have a legitimate budget limitation.
Maybe they received another proposal.
Maybe they misunderstood the scope of the work.
Maybe they don't understand the amount of time or expertise the project requires.
Or maybe they just threw out a low number to see if you would accept it.
You won't know until you give them the opportunity—and the responsibility—to explain.
Stop Negotiating Against Yourself
Too many of us negotiate against ourselves.
The potential customer says $5,000, and before they say another word, we respond:
"The project would normally be $10,000, but I might be able to do it for $8,500. Maybe $8,000 if we remove a few things."
Think about that.
They haven't increased their offer at all. They haven't defended their number. They haven't explained how they arrived at it.
But we have already started lowering our price.
They didn't negotiate us down.
We negotiated ourselves down.
We heard their number, became uncomfortable, and started talking ourselves out of our own money.
Negotiation Isn't About Beating Someone
I'm not saying every business negotiation has to produce a winner and a loser.
The best business deals should work for everyone. The customer should receive something valuable, and the business should be paid fairly for the work it provides.
This is not about embarrassing someone, manipulating them, or squeezing every possible dollar out of them.
It is about refusing to immediately become defensive when someone presents a number that does not reflect the value of your work.
You don't need to become aggressive.
You don't need to give a speech about your experience.
You don't need to defend your entire career every time someone presents a low offer.
Repeat the number.
Let the silence do its work.
Ask them how they arrived at it.
Then listen while they explain.
I've known for a long time that you should try to let the other person say the number first.
But today, Nick Ayala taught me the next part:
Once they say the number, don't be the one who explains it.
Let them defend their number before you ever begin defending yours.
Because the one doing all the explaining is usually the one losing the negotiation.
